You know, for someone who works really hard to stay positive, to try to see a variety of perspectives, and who usually succeeds – I have my fair share of rage. I usually hide it. Most people don’t know about my rage. Its not really secret. More private. And I tend to use a really bright, cheerful tone when ranting in my rage spiral. I hope that doesn’t make me a crazy person – but, here we are!
For the purposes of this post, I’m not talking about rational rage (and boy, there is SO MUCH of that – people who hurt each other because they can or because they are too selfish to see, people who remain ignorant because its too uncomfortable to face reality, turning the other way or blaming those in pain because it means you don’t have to do anything. . . . . And I’m getting onto a different track.)
So, we’ll call this my ‘irrational rage.’ Events that just make me crazy – that most people either don’t notice or can deal with like their normal and stuff.
- People who comment on internet recipes saying ‘I’m never going to make this.’ Or! ‘I can’t make this, I can’t have dairy.’ WHY WAS IT NECESSARY TO WRITE THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
- Side note: People who ask for very simple recipe substitutions on blog post comments. GOOGLE PEOPLE. GOOGLE. You are going to get more options with less judging. Also, just assume its Chicken stock.
- People who assume whatever magic diet worked for them works for everyone. Lose weight? Gain energy? Fight off alien parasites? Become low-key superhero? They have the answer. Now – I am a firm believer that if it works for them, great! I am very excited for them. But, no, I don’t want to hear about it. I have a great deal of health information that for some reason I haven’t shared with you – and while you may be well-researched in your preferred diet, you don’t know me. I do. Also, I have heard AT LEAST 8 versions of the diet that will definitely ‘fix’ me. Some from doctors, some from books, some from people. I’ve tried the ones that made sense to me – did not work. But the ‘ragey’ part comes when people say ‘but for SURE this one will definitely work!!!’ You know what? That’s what they all say. I don’t believe you. This one makes me snort hot air out of my nose.
- Target being out of sour cream 4 weeks in a row. Seriously?
- Target stocking in general. I’ve gone in the mornings, the afternoons, the evenings. I can’t seem to find a time they aren’t blocking half the store with stocking carts. And staff who don’t seem to see any of those pesky customers trying to work around them.
- Chipmunks who systematically steal my best tomatoes but only eat two bites and leave them on the ground. Those stripey little bastards.
- PEOPLE WHO DON’T USE TURN SIGNALS.
- Turn Signals 2.0 – People who slow down 4 miles before their turn and basically come to stop before turning. Commit to your turn and go already!
- That house in the neighborhood with a doggy door, so their two dogs can run out and bark endlessly at everyone who walks by on the sidewalk. Every. Damn. Time.
- Teenagers/young people who talk condescendingly to you just because you haven’t crushed them with your knowledge and experience. Yet.
- Amazon search engine results that somehow think when I search for a pair of dress sandals what I really want is skanky lingerie. Really?
- Relationship advice articles that tell me all the things I’m doing wrong. Then I have to admit to my husband all of may complete failings. Then we laugh. But there’s still rage in there. There isn’t a ‘right way’ to have a good relationship. Kindness. Respect. Humor. The end.
- And while we’re on articles. Dating and sex advice articles clearly written by a sociopath conducting some kind of wide-scale longitudinal study for research and/or amusement.
- Oh! Oh! More articles! Angry hairdressers/wait staff/chefs, etc. ’10 things your [insert angry profession here] wishes you would stop doing.’ Sure, there are some super common sense things. But some stuff is just ridiculous. Like why I should always tip 20% even for bad service because its probably not the server’s fault. Nope! I’m a pretty generous tipper – and I do understand when things are busy and get a little long. But when you can’t manage to be polite or attentive – its just not my problem.
- Lifeguards ignoring basic safety issues! This one is also heavily on the management, because if you have one good guard, they’ll get a ton of complaints if they are the only one maintaining order. Most pool goers are far more concerned with having fun than safety. Until someone gets hurt, then they are mad rules weren’t maintained. People are kinda the worst sometimes. So, lifeguards! Here’s your partial but incomplete list of stuff you have to stop ignoring:
- No play involving grabbing the head/neck.
- No sitting on the shoulders of someone else.
- No flips off the side.
- Children in floaties should be accompanied by a parent – not just given run of the pool.
- Children should not be allowed to slow themselves down in the slide, or stop, or switch positions, or make trains. Its super easy to tell when they are doing it.
- No throwing children high into the air so they can come down head first in 4 1/2 feet of water. That’s a shallow water dive you moron. Spinal Cord Injury 101.
- Parents are the worst. Grow a pair and be prepared to tell them what to do too. You can definitely be polite about it – but if you are responsible enough to keep people alive, you should be able to express yourself with some confidence.
- Back to the rest.
- Mean, judgy mommies. Online or in real life.
- Mommy bloggers who come up with complicated systems/stories/lies to get children to pick up their toys because ‘I don’t want to be the bad guy.’ For goodness sake! BE THE BAD GUY SOMETIMES! Its called discipline and respect.
Ok. That’s enough rage for today. Please join me in purging the rage by watching this baby elephant chase birds.
Sometimes you just have to spew! (Not S.P.E.W. – which of course, is totally different). Now I’m done. And I feel better.
Like and share and stuff (ok – having to post this is a tiny rage because I hate having to remember it).
Take care people,