Category: Life Logic

Christmas is almost upon us.  My son helpfully pointed out this morning while stumbling, disheveled, from his bedroom this morning, that it is only 5 days away.  Well, that seems very soon.  After all, it was only October about 4 hours ago, and still looks quite a bit like October outside now.

Now, I am not a big fan of the cold (being one of those constantly cold people), but I LOVE snow.  I love it.  Especially at Christmas.  But really anytime between 12/1 and 2/15.  Before OR after that is no Bueno.

I am focusing on Christmas for this post as opposed to other holidays celebrated at this time of year because Christmas is the one that gets the most attention.  After all, ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR – RIGHT??????

Kind of a lot of pressure.  Some people eat it up.  Others do not.

Oh Théoden, you scamp.  You understand.

Don’t get me wrong- I love Elf.  Its one of two movies that MUST be watched at Christmas-time (defined here very strictly as the day after Thanksgiving – last Christmas celebration scheduled).

What’s the other one?

I see all these memes online about wanting to stay home and watch Christmas movies all day, and all I can think is ‘that would take me a morning.’

I used to say that I didn’t want to hear Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving, but the reality is I don’t really want to hear it until Christmas Eve.  Even then, kinda meh about it.  And don’t get me started about songs I can’t stand (Last Christmas, Simply having a Wonderful Christmastime, Feliz Navidad, All I Want for Christmas is You, about 95% of the rest).

I am not terribly emotional or sentimental at Christmas, which has allowed me to view things from a different point of view.

For instance, there do seem to be some people who genuinely LOVE Christmas.  They have tons of Christmas decorations, Christmas traditions, a wide selection of Christmas music and movies, and exude so much Christmas Spirit that I’m pretty sure their farts smell like peppermint.  I love these folks.  I’m not one – nor do I really want to be – but I love their enthusiasm and their embracing of the season.  As long as they respect people not feeling the ‘jolly’ – they should definitely keep doing their thing.

There are also people who don’t want anything to do with the season.  Some of these are scrooges who hate other people being happy.  Again – that’s fine as long as they keep their bah humbugs to themselves instead of trying to bring others down with them.  I think most of the Christmas abstainers (not including those who practice other beliefs) just aren’t feeling it.  They aren’t feeling the movies filled with happy families and songs about how wonderful everything is.  They can’t really relate and maybe resent the constant reminders a little bit.  Maybe they’ve recently lost someone important to them, or maybe they’ve never had that.  And that gets harder when so many people around you expect that EVERYONE is super excited for Christmas.

Of course, there are a ton of points in the middle as well.  For some, Christmas is about showing someone how much you care by picking the perfect gift, just for them.  For some, its about meeting the expectations of others (real or perceived) with extravagant gifts – or even just trying to outdo others (or their past-selves).  For some its about hoping to be remembered.  For some its knowing you won’t.

So, am I just being a party-hating buzz-kill?

No, definitely not.  I WANT people to connect, to enjoy one another, to wear ridiculous sweaters (accidentally or on purpose).  I just hope that, as you celebrate this year, you SEE those around you who aren’t so into it.  You don’t have to ‘fix’ them – but see them, and understand that they have their reasons, and they aren’t wrong.  Perhaps invite them – and be understanding whether they accept or not.

For those of you not so into Christmas – try to be understanding of those delighting in everything around them.  They aren’t wrong either.

So whether you are:


Just be kind to each other.  As long as what we focus on that, it can be a wonderful time for all of us.


Take Care,


Life Logic

I’ve been feeling a little sweary lately.  And by lately I mean for the last year and a half.  And by ‘a little’ I mean I have dropped more f-bombs in the past year and a half than in the 36 previous years combined.

To be fair, I am using them as descriptors, never as personal attacks.  I will not name call or personally demean.  But some situations have resulted in the need for – ahem– stronger descriptors.  When the kids aren’t around.

The other day I was listening to music, specifically this song.

I know, right?  Not really my usual style to be perfectly honest.  I wouldn’t really call myself an Eminem fan (although you have to respect that kind of talent).  This song talks to me, and I DO listen to the explicit version.

When the kids aren’t around.

I like this song because its raw and real and taps into the emotions of struggle and drive and failure and determination.  Above all, getting back up and never letting anyone shut down your path towards your goals.

Sometimes I choose this song instead:

What can I say, I’m complicated.

But sometimes I need grit.  I go for the gut punch of emotion.  And sometimes that involves swearing.

I think my journey to reclaim bits of language is not so different from many people.  I was always the peacemaker, the one who would concede to make things ok.  I always had a feeling that deep down anger wasn’t ok, so I would set it aside (as best I could).  Over the past few years, I have reclaimed many things, but one of the most important was my anger.

Here’s the amazing thing – I haven’t lost my positivity.  I haven’t lost my ability to try to see a situation from the lens of compassion, or to try to encourage those around me.  In fact, I think those attributes have all gotten stronger with my anger in tact.

Anger tells us something isn’t right in our world.  There are lots of kinds of anger (many quite destructive).  The one I am really referring to here is ‘righteous anger.’  That is, anger with a justifiable cause that most reasonable people would agree is unfair or wrong.  While both justified and righteous, it can also become destructive if not managed.  After all, how much easier to hold on to anger that is reasonable?  Too much.  The much (much) harder work is to see things for what they are, recognize there are not what they should be, experience the anger, and choose to either use it or let it go.

Sometimes anger can fuel us into action.  It still can’t just stay anger.  It really does need to change into fuel to move forward in the work you are doing to bring about change.

Sometimes we have to let our anger go.  Not to say the situation is ok, but to say we won’t allow it to make us toxic.

So, sometimes swearing helps.  Sometimes it allows us to name the situation the way it feels.

I don’t really swear when I write.  I’ve always considered relying too much on swearing to be lazy vocabulary.  When writing, I prefer to find ways to express feelings with other words.  My thoughts, on the other hand, are an eerily accurate reflection of my mood.  In fact, hearing my inner thoughts get all sweary was one of the things that allowed me to get back in touch with my anger.  I could look at it with interest, ‘Well, will you look at that!  It appears I am angry about this.  Why?  What do I think/believe?’  Suddenly all these thoughts and feelings would fit themselves together as if just waiting for the invitation.  My husband is very familiar with this as it usually immediately precedes me ranting for a while.  He doesn’t mind because I still have a tendency towards well-reasoned ranting, not just crazy shouting.  I prefer to use well-placed profanity to raising my voice.

You know what, its ok.  Its expression.  Its finding the write words to translate our immensely complex feelings into something we can share with others.  Sometimes the only words that fit are a bit, um, salty.

You know who else advocated for swearing?

Mark Twain, that’s who.

And he’s right.

So I encourage you to embrace all your feelings.  Some comfort you, some fuel you, some you eventually have to let go.  In my experience, it helps to embrace your whole vocabulary as well (don’t let it make you lazy – swear words lose their power when used too freely).

So, swear if you need to, Mark Twain says its ok.  So do I.


Take care friends,



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Life Logic

I have been collecting quotes and sayings for years.  I have boards filled with clippings.  I share them on Facebook, I send them to friends.  Little bits of inspiration, humor, or encouragement.  Often, its one of those little nuggets, or a line from a song that inspires me to come to my computer to write.

I have several people I regularly troll for quotes.  Glennon Doyle is a particular favorite.  Maya Angelou another.  Corrie ten Boom, the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, StoryPeople, Thug Unicorn (Tanya Merkel), and, of course Brene Brown.

The other day I was working on populating (yet) another board – one for above my desk.  I had some favorites I knew I wanted to include, but I am also always looking for new inspiration.  And then, this.

I remember the first time I saw it.  My mind zeroed in and then expanded.  A single, laser focused point of consciousness whirling out to ensnare memories, thoughts, beliefs, and dreams, and then to twist them together back down to that single point.

Still, as I write this, and think about that moment, I pause and just breathe.

For, you see, I have taken a leap of faith.  It can really only be called that.  Parts of that leap started two and a half years ago.  But the real thing, the real LEAP was almost exactly one year ago.  Nearly to the day.  I found out later that I should really refer to that as ‘Leap #1.’  I’m pretty sure I’m on Leap #3 at this point, but its all part of the same journey.

Once, in Mexico on my honeymoon, I jumped off a cliff.  I am terrified of heights, but I did it.  I think it was around 30 feet.  That was 12 years ago, and I still remember the leap.  And I remember the moment before the leap.  I remember standing atop the cliff with other cheerful vacationers and a nice young man who wanted to take my picture so he could sell it to me for exhorbitant sums of money later on.  I remember my thoughts.  ‘Oh, no. No, no, no. Nope.’  Then, ‘just jump, don’t think.’  And I jumped.  I took the leap.  I did not listen to the voices of fear but stepped out and believed everything would be ok.  And it was.

I’ve stood on a lot of ‘cliffs’ between then and now, and usually did not take the leap.  I’m to careful, to unsure, and too scared to trust that things will come out all right.  I’ve struggled to reconcile that with my faith.  Aren’t we supposed to lay everything on God and assume that whatever happens is his will?  I guess I don’t really believe that.  Why would God have built us with courage, intelligence, creativity, tenacity, humor, and grit if He didn’t want us to use them.  What I do believe is that we need to get quiet and listen to that ‘still small voice.’  Our inner selves.  Our core.  Possibly even our link to the divine.  That is the path we walk in faith.

This quote was shared by Glennon Doyle in her book ‘Love Warrior.’  Its one of those pieces that whirled out and then back together.  Faith isn’t a safety net that catches us gently and ensures no harm comes.  Sometimes faith is the opportunity to become strong enough to face what is coming.  Its getting knocked down, bruised, and beaten, and getting back up.  Its knowing you got back up.

For some reason, all of this made me think of when my first child was a newborn – 10 years ago.  I remember a few weeks of getting up every couple hours, and then gradually, getting up twice a night, then once.  By the time he was three months old (mid December), he was basically sleeping through the night (although he did wake up at 5:30, which was still a little ridiculous).  Then Christmas, and traveling to visit family.  Then back to once a night.  Then back to two.  At the time, I felt like this would never end.  In that painful, isolating (sleep-deprived) moment I would never again get a real night’s sleep.  Of course, that didn’t last, and within a few weeks he was sleeping through the night again.

Fast-forward three years and my daughter came.  Essentially the same story.  But different in that I knew it wouldn’t last this time.  I knew it FELT like it would last forever, but I also knew it wouldn’t.  I worried less, and snuggled in for the ride.

This feels like that.  This leap of faith that I call my new business.  My calling.  My path.  Its starting out slow, as it must.  And part of me feels it will always be this way, and that part is painful and isolating (and yes, sleep-deprived).  But there is that other part.  That other part that remembers that sometimes you just sit down with your discomfort and snuggle in.  Keep working, keep moving, and have a little faith that this is the part thats supposed to hurt, but it will be worth it.


Thanks friend.

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Life Logic

I have written before about my feelings on faith.  I am passionate about the need for faith to SHOW itself in life.  Beliefs don’t cut it for me.  We have the responsibility to put our boots on and walk the walk.

Lately, I’ve been struggling.  Would I call it a crisis of faith?  No, not really.  I was wrestling with thoughts and ideas and feelings, and trying to make sense of things in my own life.

I was listening to Casting Crowns’ new song, ‘Oh My Soul.’  I recommend it.  Casting Crowns is the soundtrack of my faith journey.

Here it is if you are interested.

I was struck by the line ‘ . . . and my shipwrecked faith will never get me to shore.  Can He find me here, Can He keep me from going under?’

That’s it.  My faith wasn’t in crisis.  My faith was shipwrecked.  Not only was I wondering if God could find me where I was, I was wondering if He would.

Shipwrecked faith.  The faith is still there.  I am standing alone amidst the wreckage, and look out onto the horizon – knowing the rest of the world is out there but helpless to close the gap.

Standing on the shore aware of the juxtaposition of desolation and beauty, of solitude and isolation.  Amidst the wreckage are a thousand guidebooks of how to ‘fix things.’  But just as seeing a map of trade winds does not teach you to navigate, a ‘how-to’ cannot build a relationship.

I still believe.  When the pain and isolation wash over me and my heart breaks as I bleed out onto the page I write.  I still believe.

But I am tired, and alone in the beautiful desolation.  I still believe yet I struggle to trust that the great God of my faith sees me, too.  Understanding that my doubts are not signs of His failing, but my own.  Failing to trust and to believe that if I fall I will be caught.

So here I stand on my shore, in my solitude.  In my isolation.  Knowing God is real and that to have the kind of relationship I know to be possible, I must surrender.  To sever the safety lines and fall.

Am I more afraid of knowing that relationship is out there and never finding it?  Or of surrendering?

I am a person who is in control.  Self-control, not control of others.  Organization and order are my superpowers.  This has been met with both admiration and contempt, but certainly more of the latter.

Am I really just afraid of letting go?

Corrie ten Boom said, ‘There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.’

So is it dark here in the pit?  Or are my eyes just closed?

Am I more afraid of staying invisible, or of being seen?

So here in the pit I wrestle, knowing I am not alone, but yet uncertain about what that means for me.  In the stillness, I wait to hear the voice of God, as I am learning to hear and heed that ‘still small voice’ inside that is my own intuition.

I wonder if they are the same voice.

So amid my shipwreck, I will have faith.


Guerilla Christianity Life Logic

Recently, I had a text conversation with a friend.  I had sent this great piece from a write I like, Tanya Markul (who goes by the oh-so-awesome moniker Thug Unicorn).

This friend commented that they were sometimes empathetic when they should be cord cutting.  I could almost hear their sigh when they typed, ‘I’m a work in progress.’

That really struck me.  Aren’t we all?  Who do you honestly know who is ‘complete.’  No room for improvement.  No goal to push towards.

How many movies or TV shows have you watched, or (if you’re like me) how many books have you read where the main character just trots through the whole story knowing everything they need to know, making no mistakes, not growing or needing to grow.

That’s one boring story, and off the top of my head I can’t actually think of one.  They might be out there, but let’s face it – no one can relate to that person.  We relate to the struggle.  To the striving.  It is a holy journey.  A quest.  Its Frodo volunteering to take the ring.  Its Harry Potter and the horcruxes.  Its Moana leaving the reef.  Its the Rebels facing off against the Empire.  Those are the parts of the journey we see, and we see the end.  Those are not the ends to their journey.  They move forward.  They know more, they have learned from successes and heartbreak.  They continue on their path, though we might not read or watch those stories.

We are the same.  We might look at a time in our life as an episode or a chapter.  That story had a beginning, a middle, and an end.  But there were things that happened before, and things that happened after.  A work in progress.

A couple of days ago (and a couple of days after this conversation with my friend), I happened to be listening to the radio.  I wasn’t paying a lot of attention, but the radio person said something to the effect of, ‘. . . . trying to do everything and beating themselves up because its not perfect.  Don’t beat yourself up because things aren’t perfect.  Because you are a work in progress.’

You see why I started paying attention?  I had been thinking about that holy journey.  The glorious chaos of being ‘in progress.’

Here’s what struck me.  Essentially, it sounds as if the radio person is suggesting that the reason things aren’t perfect is because you are a work in progress.  Therefore, perfection is the destination.

I disagree.  Ok, in reality I snorted steam out my nose and turned off the radio.  NO!  Perfection is NOT the destination.

Imperfection IS.  Its not a temporary feature of a life.  It IS life.  LIFE IS IMPERFECT.  To me, the ‘work in progress’ is not a journey toward perfection, but a journey to happiness within imperfection.  Its ups and downs.  Easy and hard.  Glorious and heartbreaking.  Sometimes all at once.

THAT made me think of two quotes from two good friends of mine (we’ve never met, but I am just sure we would be good friends if we ever did.)


Just because you’re a work in progress, doesn’t mean you aren’t gloriously, imperfectly, wonderfully worthy.


Take care my friends,



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Life Logic

Spring is here, as evidenced by the fact that I’ve been wearing my glasses for three weeks so I stop ruining contacts (get a move on your pollinating, trees).  And after the first day and a half of enjoying nice weather without bugs, the bugs arrived as well.

A couple of weeks ago, we went on a family hike.  This is also known as a ‘no we aren’t done yet, and once we’re done we still have to walk all the way back.’  Bonding.  Along the way, we saw some bumblebees.

Um, no.  Not that kind.

Yep, that’s the one.

And that, of course, made me think about all the facts I know about bumblebees.

I only know two facts about bumblebees.

  1. They do not make honey.
  2. Scientists have not yet figured out how they are able to fly.

You see, science cannot (at least not yet) explain how the small wings of a bumblebee are able to carry the large fluffy body in flight.  Similarly, I have not yet been able to figure out how my medium-sized child can eat twice as much as I can.

But I digress.

My point here is this – by all current standards of science, a bumblebee should not be able to fly.  It should be impossible.  Yet, everyone knows they do (seriously – you all know that right?).

And THAT made me think about the fact that so much of what we face in life seems impossible.  No matter who you are, no matter what your strengths, your weaknesses, your barriers, your past – something seems impossible to you.

Its impossible to find time to exercise.

Its impossible to find an extra $100 in the budget.

Its impossible to find a job I love.

Its impossible to believe I will find love (or find it again).

Its impossible to believe I deserve better.

Its impossible to get out of bed.

Its impossible love me anymore than I already love me because I love me the bestest of all (Kanye West- probably).

You see what I’m getting at here? (seriously, you do see what I’m getting at here, right?)

Robert Heinlein said ‘Theoretically, everything is impossible until its done.’  Ok, fair enough, Robert.  I believe that with any ‘impossibility’ – at least any that really resonates with us –  comes pain.  That’s not always a bad thing.  There is pain in realizing something you want feels like it cannot be.  There is often pain in achieving that goal.  So what do we do with it.  Sometimes we just breathe, and we realize that the bravest, strongest thing we can do is sit with that pain.  Survive it in this moment, and the next.  We get stronger.  Strong enough to breathe through the third moment and the one after that.

Glennon Doyle Melton says “When pain knocks on the door, the wise ones breathe deep and say ‘Come in, sit down.  Don’t leave until you’ve taught me what I need to know.'”  That doesn’t mean there are any easy answers.  Sometimes what the pain teaches us is that its time to let go.  Sometimes the pain teaches us to step deeper into the fire.

If we go back to the bumblebees, they also remind us that if we’re going to do impossible things, its better to do them together.  Humans are designed to connect (yes, all of us).  Connection can vary pretty widely, but we are designed to work in collaboration to other humans.  Find your community and your support.

So, yes, there are a great many impossible things out there.  Mt. Everest was impossible until Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay climbed it.  Why did they do it? ‘Because it is there,’ said Hillary.  Totally badass.  I do know that sometimes our Everest is getting out of bed.  Sometimes is trusting someone again.  Sometimes its taking a risk to get to somewhere better.  And those mountains to not feel smaller than Everest.

Trust yourself.  Trust the pain, and learn from it.  Sometimes pain is the fire that burns of everything we thought we were or thought we needed, and leaves behind only the truth.

Find your Sherpa or your hive, and do the impossible.

As Glennon Doyle Melton would say,



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Life Logic

Today, I’m going to tell you a short story. 


So a girl, about 12 years old, snuck into Wrigley Field when everything was empty (why Wrigley?  Because I’m the one retelling the story, that’s why).  She had her bat and her ball, and she went out onto the field.  She held the ball in one hand, the bat in the other. One of the older guys who cleaned the stands happened to be relaxing in one of the seats and decided to watch.


The girl looked at the ball and said ‘I am the greatest baseball player in the WORLD!’  With that, she tossed the ball into the air, and swung her bat with all her might.

And missed.

The girl picked up her ball and said ‘I am the greatest baseball player in the WORLD!’  Again, she threw the ball into the air, and swung her bat.

And missed again.

This went on for some time.  After a while, the gentleman from the stands decided to come down and talk to her.

He said ‘hey kid.   You keep saying ‘I am the greatest baseball player in the WORLD’ but you haven’t hit that ball yet.’

She smiled hugely and said ‘I know – did you see that pitching?!?’


Ok – so besides a good chuckle, what am I getting at?  How often in life do we only see the ‘strikes’ or the ‘misses?’  We see what isn’t going well, but sometimes fail to notice what is going well.  Sometimes these are little things – sometimes not so little.  Maybe things aren’t going so well at work, and you’re fighting with your significant other and now your car broke down.  Its easy to look at those legitimate issues and feel like nothing is going right.  Sometimes we need to look a little deeper.  Maybe you haven’t reached for alcohol – which you’ve done in the past.  Maybe you’ve kept this job longer than any other job you’ve had – and even though it’s a little bumpy you are working through it.  Maybe its just that you are taking a deep breath and thinking things through before saying something.  Maybe you’ve chosen not to cut, or gamble, or shop, or use.  Maybe you’ve stood in the middle of your storm and let it rage.  But you stood.


You are pitching.  Don’t forget to see the pitches – the things you do that move you forward or keep you going.  If you don’t think you see any – maybe choose one to throw.


You got this.  After all, you are the greatest baseball player in the WORLD.


Life Logic

I’d like you to think for a moment about someone you admire for their talent or skill.  Maybe its an artist or a musician.  Maybe an athlete or a writer.

Ok.  I think most of us can appreciate a well-honed craft.  We understand the time and effort it takes to perform that task well.  For some of us (ahem. . .me. . . ahem) there’s just a tiny bit of longing that maybe we don’t have that kind of talent.

Except maybe we do.

As a girl raised on Disney fairy tales and books of medieval fiction, I love me a good castle. 


So, picture that grand castle.   It took an amazing amount of artistry, skill, talent, and vision to design and build such a monument.  After all, castles had to be strong and beautiful.  They had to be homes and seats of power.  They had to last.  They were not one-man jobs.

So when you think about it, a castle is really just a well-organized pile of bricks. 


Ok – REALLY well organized, but still.

So, a castle needs a brick-layer.  Not a fancy job.  Not shiny.  Not high-paying and well-respected.  Just a job.

After all – how important is one brick in the grand scheme of a whole castle?  I don’t know – but what happens when that one brick is not laid with care?  When it is not placed level, on a good foundation, and in correct position to those around it?  A haphazard brick can bring even the grandest plan down.

But a well-laid brick can be the foundation of something that lasts long after all of us are gone.

Maybe you aren’t the architect of castles.  I know I’m not.  But if we take a step back, we are all part of something greater.  We can each choose to lay our brick with great care, and with great skill.

Maybe we won’t have the glory and riches like Michael Jordan (I stopped watching basketball in high school), or JK Rowling (I’ve admitted my reading problem already), but we can take great care to do whatever task is in front of us with all the skill we have. 


And that isn’t less important.



Life Logic

My Fellow Americans.

That sounds appropriate today, doesn’t it.  Portentous.  Let’s roll with this.

My Fellow Americans,

Today some of you celebrate.  Some shake your heads.  Some are afraid.

You are afraid that the person holding the highest office in our country has publicly said he will not stand for you.  He has mocked you and your cause.  He chooses to incite fear and division.

And around the country we hold our collective breath.  What are we going to do?

As Glennon Doyle Melton would say, ‘Fear is not the boss of us.  Love is the boss of us.’

The power of this country does not rest in the hands of one man, not even that man.  We are the country.  We are the immigrants and the children of children of immigrants.  We hold different faiths – many times those faiths having more in common than not.  We love differently, but the LOVE is the same love.  Our skin looks different, but our hearts beat the same.

That thing you love, that you passionately defend?  It did not go away.  Yes, you hoped for a leader who would help support that cause, and it may not be the man elected.

Here is the real power, my friends.  Its you.  No great change ever happened in this country only because the president wanted it.  We did it.  The country fought a war with itself over the right for slaves to be free.  Women fought to vote.  Black Americans fought for equality.  Individuals with disabilities fought to be included.  LGBTQ individuals fought to marry.  Fought for the love of the cause, the belief that it was necessary, and in truth, the love of this country.  To make it the best version of itself.

Those were our voices.  The voices of everyday Americans who decided they would not remain silent.  They would not hope that 4 years from now a better leader would come.  They didn’t limit themselves to the comment sections of internet posts (legitimately most of them never heard of the internet, but you know where I’m going).

They stood.  They fought.

So fight.  But fight fair.  When we attack and degrade and vandalize, we become everything the opposing view claims we are.  As Michelle Obama said, ‘When they go low, we go high.’

Fight fair.  Fight with facts (real facts, not internet facts – do your homework).  Calm, prepared, firm arguments are generally harder to dismiss than the blustering noise trying to drown you out.  Fight in the right arena.  Your battle is not in the comment section of a twitter feed.  Its face to face, talking with people.  Sharing your story, finding your fellows.  Getting so much (correct) information out there that you overpower the lies.

That is the real America.

Decide what you won’t give up on.  Then fight for it.

Its the American thing to do.

Life Logic

This is the twelfth day I must call myself ‘unemployed.’  Here are somethings I’ve learned:

  • I do not like dusting any more when I do, in fact, have time to do it.
  • When actively working on learning to ‘slow down’ – I will, in fact, choose to shampoo the carpets over sitting on the couch.
  • Digging through layers of stress and years of ingrained strategies to cope with stress is hard.

My goal during this time (although I understand it may be cut short by the need to obtain an interim job), was to stop the ‘do all the things today.’

(actual photo of me)


I remembered what it was like to curl up on the couch with a book and a blanket, in front of the fireplace.  To sit and read and escape ‘all the things’ for just a little while.  Reading is one of my great joys.

So I pictured taking the kids to school, walking the dog, getting in a workout – then spending an hour or two reading and (gasp) relaxing.  If only to remember how.  Get the kids from school, prepare them a healthy snack, and then start working on supper.

What I have learned is that remembering the process of relaxing is not as easy as doing it.  Its realizing that my brain has been set on ‘high alert’ for about nine or 10 years, and there has never been enough time to get everything done.  Sometimes there isn’t enough time to get the important stuff done.  There have been a lot of nights up until midnight over the years to try to be everything to everyone.

The reality is that it was never about the time.  It was always about me.  It was always about the pressure I put on myself to ‘do all the things.’  Having more time is not the answer.

Its about me and my brain.  Its about learning that my value in life is not the number of things I make.  Not in how clean my house is, or what I’ve named my dust bunnies.  My value does not rest on what I provide to others.

This is a tough one.  This learning to embrace the fact that you have value simply by being.  I’ve told countless people that over the years and I’ve never once believed it about myself.  The world has given me countless reasons not to believe it.

For a long time I’ve believed that real meaning is to find meaning (If you want to read an amazing book on the subject, I would suggest ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ by Viktor Frankl).  I have interpreted this to mean that while circumstances do sometimes just happen, my responsibility is to figure out what I am supposed to learn from the experience.  It is often easier to see looking back, so I rest in the confidence that I am on the right road and future me will look back on a path that ended up making perfect sense.

As every journey must start with a single step, so must this.  My goal today is to spend a single hour resting, reading, refreshing my spirit.  Without guilt or shame.  Without worrying about what I should be doing to benefit others.  My goal today is to spend that single hour reminding myself that the love, respect, and regard I hold for every member of God’s creation might just apply to me to.


Wish me luck.


Life Logic