Carl: ‘Hi there. Carl here. We’re in Wisconsin. Raylene told me to bring you all up to speed while she ‘ran in to pick up a few things.’ She spotted this place called ‘Papa Bears’ and just had to go inside.’
[scratching, and a stretching grunt]
‘Well, we left that pickle place and figured on stopping a few places on our way through Wisconsin. We stopped at the cheese palace. Lot of cheese. Lot of samples. Got me all bound up. Filled Betty Jane with a ton of cheese and set out again. All that cheese had me craving a good sausage. Found a place called the ‘Sausage Palace.’ Not what I was expecting. No. Not at all. We stopped at a little polka bar instead, and met some real nice Wisconsin folk. They bought us a beer and some ‘fried cheese curds.’ Oh my – I’d sell a truckload of hubcaps and drink a pint of pickle beer if I could have those regular.’
‘Anyways. We made our way to the Mustard Museum. Now, I like mustard as well as the next fella, but that struck me as a lot of mustard. These Wisconsin folk are single-minded, aren’t they? Hmmm, this package says its ‘mustard cheese.’ Which place you suppose that came from? Well, anyways, Bacon Bits and I are sitting out here in the Skamper, munching on some cheese bites. Got a nice flavor. Kinda smoky. These must be the smoked cheddar bites. Here, let me grab that package. Oh. Oh my. Well, those are bacon-flavored cheese bites.’
‘Do not tell Bacon Bits that I fed him bacon.’
‘Do not tell Raylene.’
‘I’d best just get rid of this package. She always knows when Bacon Bits has been eatin’ cheese as his poop comes out looking like Lincoln Logs. If she asks if he smell like bacon – just laugh and say ‘of course he does!’ Land sakes, here she comes. What is she carrying? That looks like a stuffed chipmunk paddling a canoe. She also appears to be carrying a whole bag full of commemorative spoons.
‘Well, that about covers things. Wisconsin was nice. Uh, this is Carl Schputt reporting. Hehehehe.’