Quirk & Logic Posts

Curious things sometimes happen in a house with children and pets.  Particularly a house where additional children also visit.

This particular curious thing happened in the place where all the Legos live.  Sure, I could be referring to all the Legos in our house, but in reality I think at this point its just ALL THE LEGOS.

Which leads me to a tangent (surprise!).  You know how all the jokes in the world revolve around parents stepping on Legos and it being the worst thing IN THE WORLD.

See the Legos actively plotting

SEEEEEEEEEE.

And of course, the requisite:

Do you get it?  Kids play with stuff and leave it everywhere and parents step on it and it hurts their feet.  GET IT?

Now, despite us having ALL THE LEGOS at our house, we do not have an issue with them being on the floor.  Why?  Because of a nifty little parenting rule known as: ‘Any Legos on the floor not being actively played with AT THE TIME become property of MOM and will forever and henceforth belong to MOM, in their entirety.’

Works great.

Now back to the curious situation I found myself in recently.  As I was heading down to check the downstairs bathroom to see if it was tidy (the kids had friends over to play recently.  Also the kids live here) and I spotted it.

What is that!  OH GROSS, ITS A POOPIE!!!!!  The dog doesn’t come downstairs (and her poopies are the size of Swiss Cake Rolls.  If you stack 6 of them together).  DID MY CHILD LEAK A POOP NUGGET???  DID A VISITING CHILD LEAK A POOP NUGGET??

I must take a closer look. I mean, its not like I can just LEAVE it there.

Total mom thought: ‘Well, at least its not a mushy one.’  But – WHY IS THERE A POOPIE?

Oh for . . . . False Alarm, folks.  This is not a poopie at all.

Just Olivia leaving her hair lying around.

My hair now.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Its the law of the land.

 

 

Uncategorized

Ok, y’all.  It is time to tell you about one of my very most favorite shows ever.

Deep Breath.

 

Oooooh, its so good.  So, so good.

Disclaimer: It is ESSENTIAL that you do not take this seriously.  I mean, take my love for this show seriously – because it is super serious.  But the show you must watch purely for entertainment.  And it is amazing.  Also I’ve only watched the first 3-4 seasons.  Then they started some ‘other team’ nonsense and I just want to watch the monsters.

So, what’s the deal?  This show is about professional hillbillies.  Let that sink in a minute.  PROFESSIONAL HILLBILLIES.  Sigh.  I’m already on board.

So these professional hillbillies (squeeeeee!) run around West Virginia hunting down these ‘Mountain Monsters’ (do you get it?  Its the name of the show, and there are monsters in the mountains.  Get it?!?!?!?!)

Let’s go through the cast of characters:

This guy is Trapper.  He’s in charge.  His beard gets longer and more grizzled over the seasons in what I can only assume is marketing screaming ‘MORE HILLBILLY.’  He’s sort of reasonable, but is very easily convinced that everything is proof.

This is Huckleberry.  He’s billed as ‘security’ but I am not really sure what that means.  He appears to be wearing his grandma’s hat and I really wish he lived next door to me because I’m pretty sure he’s the kind of guy who would sneak my dog hotdogs and I would take him cookies.  He’s the biggest (probably how he ended up security), so sometimes they make him stand where the monsters were sited for size comparison.  One time he had to take his boots off and compare his feet to the bigfoot prints.

This is Jeff.  He is the researcher of the group.  He uses words like ‘bipedal’ and confuses everyone.  Then they laugh at him.  He uses a thermal camera instead of a gun, and catches exactly NOTHING with it.

Buck is a little bit of a puzzle.  He’s a solid generation younger than everyone else, and a self-described ‘husky ninja.’  I think he’s gunning for Trapper’s job.  He uses full sentences.

Willy is the ‘trap builder.’  He builds an elaborate trap every episode to catch the monster.  Custom designed and full of redneck ingenuity.  I bet in high school he was voted ‘Most Likely to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.’

How do I describe Wild Bill?  Well, he’s Willy’s assistant in trap building – which also means I’m pretty sure Willy is his ‘handler.’  Wild Bill is crazy in a mostly harmless way and I’m pretty sure I would also take him cookies if he lived in the neighborhood.  He’s good to have around if you need someone to climb your trees with a chainsaw.

So that’s the team.

Now for the monsters.  I’m not going to show them all, but these are genuine screen shots from the show.  I know because I remember seeing them.

The Bloodless Howler

Sheepsquatch (Sheepsquatch!!!!!!!)

Mothman.  Now this one is interesting.  The townsfolk take Mothman really, really (really) seriously.  How seriously?

Oh, just a statue in town.  But wait!  There’s more!

Christmas ornaments of the statue in the town!!!

It’s never to early to think of Stocking Stuffers!

So here’s how it goes.  The show usually starts with 3-4 members of the team (usually not including Willy or Wild Bill) are in a truck driving to the new location.  Trapper lays out what monster we are looking for.  Jeff interjects with his research.  We get one of the awesome images seen above as a reference.

We visit Witness #1.  This is generally some kind of landowner who has seen this thing.  He describes it and takes the team to where he saw it (this is where Huckleberry sometimes has to go pretend to be the monster).

Next!  We visit Witness #2.  He often has a name like Boon-doggy or Racoon.  He is generally wearing camo or buffalo plaid, or both.  He has a trail cam photo of the beast.  It is most definitely not altered in any way.

Then!  We visit Witness #3.  He’s usually cut from the same cloth as Witness #2, but not always.  He’s generally been running around on his four-wheeler and captured video.  VIDEO!  Terrible video that is also MOST DEFINITELY NOT ALTERED!

Willy and Wild Bill are informed, and they begin work on the trap.  Anytime Wild Bill speaks-  pay attention.

**At some point commercials will come on.  At least one will be absolutely aimed at Doomsday Preppers.  You will be offered a year’s supply of food that will keep for 700 years.  Its expensive but I kind of want to buy it anyways. 

Night one: Tracking the monster.  They will find a track.  It was made by pressing a mold into the dirt.  They will likely find a pile of brush.  It is now a nest.  Sounds, running around.  Awesome.

Night two: The Hunt.  These hillbillies are described as expert hunters.  Now, I am not doubting that, but I am saying they aren’t necessarily using their skills.  I’m pretty sure roaring through the woods on Side-by-Sides (Golf cart and four wheeler have a baby) yelling at the top of your lungs is not common hunting technique.  They chase the monster to the trap.

The trap fails epically.  They conclude they are successful anyways (BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO).

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  I created a score card for viewing episodes.  Its really designed to compare episodes – but you could also make it into bingo for endless fun.

Mountain Monsters Viewing Score Sheet

Episode:____________________________________________

  • Eye witness with weird name
  • Eye witness wearing camo
  • Wild Bill mentions being a marine
  • Wild Bill gets subtitled
  • Wild Bill calls someone ‘brother’
  • Clearly altered ‘footage’ accepted as excellent evidence
  • Someone says ‘I see ________’ because they see movement, as if this is a fact
  • Fake tracks
  • Trapper makes Buck do something awkward or uncomfortable, everyone laughs
  • They find ‘the nest’
  • Willy says ‘I’ve never made a trap like this before’
  • Wild Bill says ‘I am a weapon’ (counts double if subtitled)
  • Wild Bill climbs something unsafely
  • Someone yells as if there is actual danger
  • Trap fails to catch anything
  • Trap catches something, they won’t show us what
  • Buck crack
  • ‘We ain’t alone in these woods’
  • Guns are fired
  • Wild Bill says ‘Hoo-ah’
  • ‘It sounded big’
  • Eye witness says ‘I’ve never seen anything like it’
  • Moonshine reference
  • Jeff uses terminology no one else understands
  • Will Bill says ‘We’re gonna throw some rounds down range.’
  • Team decides they have scared the creature away forever.
  • ‘We’re closin’ in on ‘im!’
  • ‘This is going to be dangerous.’
  • Trapper says, ‘I’ve never seen anything like it.’
  • Someone mentions ‘the holler.’
  • Trapper suddenly decides there is more than one monster.
  • Trapper ends episode claiming they have ‘proven’ the existence, despite no actual evidence or proof.

Bonus 1000 points: They actually catch and show the thing they are trying to catch.

Second Disclaimer: Do NOT turn this into a drinking game.  You will definitely die.

 

Definitely watch Mountain Monsters.

Like and share my friends.  Don’t hide this knowledge under a basket.

Quirky Thoughts

Parenting books/blogs/magazines/other parents do NOT adequately prepare you for parenting.

I’m sure they mean well and all, but I personally have not found that they cover the important stuff.

Sure, they’ll talk about feeding schedules and sleep schedules and important milestones (more on that later).

They DON’T cover weird ladies at the library who stick THEIR FINGER IN YOUR BABY’S MOUTH, constant shame and judgment from others (thanks internet!), tandem crying jags, and poop-splosions.

But let’s go back just a minute to those milestones.  Naturally those parenting resources cover things like sitting up, sleeping through the night, standing, walking, talking, running a 10 minute mile, and doing the taxes.

These are fine, I suppose.  I would like to submit a few additional milestones that are totally underrated and are amazingly awesome.

10. Kid can wipe his/her own butt (bonus points if they actually do a good job!).  I’ve read a lot of articles where parents realized they’ve done something for the last time.  I am 100% ok with no longer hearing ‘Moooom!  Come wipe my buuuuuttttttt.’

9. While we’re on the subject of pooping (always a parental favorite), that milestone where your kids are no longer interested in watching you poop.  With a 7 and 10 year old (2 separate kids, not some mutant who spans three years), we have MOSTLY met this one.  I say mostly because while they no longer want to watch me poop, they also figure that if I’m in there they have a captive audience and should absolutely come interrupt to ask me things that can ABSOLUTELY WAIT UNTIL I AM DONE.

8. The ability to blow their nose.  Sure, the boogie-sucker is great, if you like wrestling alligators who are hopped up on espresso and amphetamines.  Arguably the nose-blowing is only marginally better – but its worth appreciating.

7. Graduating to a booster seat.  Now, I am not advocating that you graduate your kid early, but when the time comes, its great.  You tell them to get in the car, and they go get in the car (actual results may vary).  I know the 5 point harness is a wonderful safety feature, and I am glad they exist.  I’m also glad we don’t own one anymore.

6. Reaching stuff.  Specifically light switches, cups, and milk.  Also the silverware drawer.  There is something very satisfying about saying ‘just go get it.’

5. Being old enough to watch cool movies.  I like a good Barbie movie as much as the next person (which is to say, I can watch without wanting to remove my eyeballs with a corkscrew).  We are reaching the age when we are introducing Star Wars, Indiana Jones, the Goonies, the Princess Bride, and other cool stuff.   Afterwards we have fun family conversations about why they don’t like them enough.  Good times.

4. On the subject of movies – the ability to operate all of the electronic equipment in the house.  We had a friend of ours watch the kids one night who doesn’t do technology much.  She commented that we would have to teach her how to run the TV (and Fire Stick, PlayStation VUE, and Netflix).  We laughed and laughed and laughed and told her the kids were probably better at it than we were.  On weekends they can get up and go ‘watch shows’ and WE CAN SLEEP MORE.

3. Going to bed.  I can tell my kids to go brush their teeth, put their jammies on, and go to bed.  AND THEY DO IT.  Mostly.  But still, they do it!  Its amazing.

2. Cheap labor.  Now, I don’t know about the division of labor in your household – and I figure you’ve got a system that works for you.  At our house we have standard chores (the kids do their own laundry, pick up their bedrooms, clean their own bathroom, and pick up the dog poop), and extra chores.  Extra chores get you cash.  My kids will cheerfully weed the garden for a crisp green dollar all their own.  They are both learning the value of money as they are saving up for cool stuff they want – and I don’t like weeding.  Win-win.

1. I can’t really overstate this one.  Its number one for a reason.  Are you ready?

Able to apply own sunscreen.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.  It is not really a secret that I have not been the world’s most diligent applier of sunscreen on my own body.  I have skin that does not burn easily and have always hated sunscreen.  I fully understand that this is terrible reasoning and I have likely done unspeakable damage to my skin.  So, now I try to be better about the stuff.  I have always been good about applying it to my kids (and husband, who I think can get sunburn from strong fluorescent lighting).  I still HATE THE STUFF.  Its greasy and gross and since its waterproof its impossible to wash off your hands!  The spray stuff helps a bit, but still hitting everyone up with the sunscreen also takes forever.  Kids want to play outside? Gotta stop what you are doing and lube them up.  Going to the pool, not yet you aren’t!

 

I’m sure there will be more.  Like when they are old enough to stop worrying about swearing in front of them.  Looking forward to that.  Old enough to run to the store for me or reshingle the roof.

 

So enjoy your potty-training and first words, but don’t forget all the other awesome stuff along the way.

 

Like and share and stuff.

And put your sunscreen on.  yourself – don’t ask me.

Kim

Child Logic

Dear Food Network

 

I love you. I really do. I rarely watch TV, and when I do, it usually Food Network (unless Graham Norton is on, or there’s a new Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee). I love getting new ideas and being inspired to try new things.

That being said, I have some grievances. And while I tried to be understanding and overlook them, I realized that that’s not actually who I am. No, small annoyances become focal points and now I just can’t look away.

Here’s my Top Ten:

  1. Continually referencing which olive oil I should use at which point in a recipe. I have one kind. I use it all the time, and its almost the only oil I use. But ONE KIND. I love to cook – its one of my favorite things. And I am actually pretty darn good at it. Yet still, I do not have the mental energy available to source and maintain a multi-olive oil pantry. Besides, its not even that you reference it. Its that you reference it with the smug assumption that OF COURSE we all have a vast array of oils to choose from.

     

9. ‘Add lemon juice. Fresh squeezed of course.’ Subtext: ‘What kind of plebian Neanderthal are you, buying bottled lemon juice.’ Answer: smart. Because lemons cost like $.50 each and last about 5 days. A Huge bottle of lemon juice costs a few bucks and you can pass it down to your grandchildren. Sure, I’ll use fresh if I happen to have it (or if I’m making margaritas because I know right from wrong). If not- I’ll use bottled and you can keep your judgment TO YOURSELF

8. ‘Add Black Pepper – fresh ground. Always fresh ground.’ I’LL USE WHATEVER PEPPER I WANT AND I CAN’T EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. Whew. Got a little shouty there. I feel better.

7. ‘Ask your fish monger . . . . ‘ Dude. I live in Iowa. Fish is purchased in the frozen section. And even when buying fresh fish (which is occasionally available at the supermarket), there is no fish monger. There’s guys at the meat counter (who are mostly also from Iowa) who aren’t going to answer your fancy ‘fish monger’ questions. And besides that – they are mostly selling stuff that was frozen and is now thaw. And now I can’t eat mussels anymore.

And while we’re at it: ‘There’s nothing like fresh shrimp, doesn’t even compare to frozen.’ Super for you. See above.

6. ‘Don’t cook with any wine you wouldn’t drink.’ Hahahahahahahahaha. I think you are overestimating my discretion as to the quality of wine I will drink. Then, sometimes they follow it up with ‘there are plenty of good options at around $15, there’s no need to spend a ton of money.’ Ok guys, let’s get a little real here. $15 is quite a bit to spend on a bottle of wine in my world. I do pay that much on occasion, but if I am cooking, I am using this little baby.

Why? Its $5 and fits neatly in my fridge. Love it. No shame.

5. ‘This recipe is great because its things you probably have in your pantry!’ Cue the recipe, which includes lemons, limes (for fresh squeezing!), dried currants, capers, San Marzano tomatoes, three kinds of pesto, six kinds of olives, magic beans, and tahini. Guess what I have in my pantry? None of that. Now, I consider my pantry to be reasonably well stocked (ok, not right this second because its summer and the kids are home and I’m losing my mind – but usually), and not only do I not have those things on hand – I never ever purchase any of them.

4. ‘Ask your butcher. . . . ‘ Ok, around here meat is king. Specifically pork and beef. Without too much effort I could get a whole pig or a half a cow directly from the farmer. I love working with a butcher to get a huge pile of meat for my freezer. Going to get a roast cut specially, or certain kinds of steaks, etc on a weekly basis. No. I have things to do.

3. Cupcake wars. Must we really battle over baked goods? I’m just kind of sick of everything becoming a competition fight to the death. Also ‘war’? Really?

2. ‘Now I’m adding this great Manchego cheese. Its one of my favorites. . . . ‘ its also more than $10 a pound! Sheesh! Let’s be real. Cheddar, Mo-Jack, Swiss, Mozzarella. I’m not saying you can’t use other cheeses, but you gotta tell us which one of these would be the best substitute. And while we’re at it, I’m just going to go on record that I don’t need your advice on how to set up a cheese plate for my next dinner party. To date, I have never made a cheese plate, have never heard a guest wish there was a cheese plate, or longed to know how to make a cheese plate. Please note: a cheese plate is not the same as a cheese tray, which is rows of sliced cheddar, mo-jack, co-jack, and swiss. Sometimes gouda if you are going wild and showing off a bit. Served with Ritz crackers and sliced summer sausage. Those are pretty popular.

1. BUDGET SHOWS MADE BY RICH PEOPLE. Seriously. I can’t watch another ‘Budget’ episode where they teach me about how to make meatloaf. I have a rule about not rolling my eyes and you are TESTING ME. Get a real person on a real budget to consult on this. Its not that I don’t trust Geoffrey in his cashmere blazer with coordinating tie and pocket square to be on-point with budget issues . . . . (sighing loudly) . . . . but maybe someone else. And no more meatloaf.

Also, even thought I am out of numbers: Chopped. Not the show (so much), but why all the time? WHY ALL THE TIME?????? Maybe, just maybe squeeze one cooking show in on occasion????

 

Well, I feel better now that my grievances have been aired. Oh wait, one more thing.

Bonus: People who comment on internet recipes to ask what you can substitute for wine/liquor in the recipe. Its chicken stock. Its always chicken stock. This is what google is for. Or perhaps my favorite internet recipe comment, ‘I’m not going to make this.’ Why the actual hell did you feel the need to write that down?

 

Well, I suggest you all go check your pantries for capers, kumquats, and magic beans.

Toodles,

Kim

(don’t forget to like and share!)

Quirky Thoughts

To be fair, I don’t really feel like writing my autobiography.  It would be pretty awesome, but I would probably get distracted by how much awesomer it could have been, and then would get off track.

Instead, I decided to write the Table of Contents for my autobiography.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1: Fat Babies are the Cutest – right?

Chapter 2: Potting Soil Does NOT Taste Like Crushed Oreos.

Chapter 3: The Unfortunate Combination of Clumsiness and Cacti.

Chapter 4: Fun Fact – Hot Dogs Make Me Projectile Vomit

Chapter 5: So Does Broccoli.

Chapter 6: Santa’s Handwriting Looks Awfully Familiar.

Chapter 7: Which Contains the Embarrassing Incident of Incontinence.

Chapter 8: I am the Butt of Many Jokes.

Chapter 9: Middle School and High School: a Haiku

Chapter 10: Sorry That Sounded Awkward.  I am Awkward.

Chapter 11: What Happens at Boy Scout Camp Stays At Boy Scout Camp.

Chapter 12: I Realize I Have No Idea About Fashion.

Chapter 13: I Watch a Lot of ‘What Not To Wear’ Because I am a Problem-Solver.

Chapter 14: [Chapter Missing]

Chapter 15: I Win My Future Husband’s Heart by Telling Him About the Time Harrison Ford Had Diarrhea.

Chapter 16: Building Tiny People!

Chapter 17: Can This Wait Until I am Done Pooping?

Chapter 18: I Convince My Children That The Reason Chapter 14 is Missing is Because I Was a Frog For a While.

Chapter 19: Why is Everything I Own Covered in Hair?

Chapter 20: In Which I Buy a Purse and Solve My Existential Crisis.

Chapter 21: PLOT TWIST!

Chapter 22: I Go Insane and Make SO MANY CHICKEN NUGGETS.

Chapter 23: Licensed Medical Professional (Insert Maniacal Laugh).

Chapter 24: Kim 2.o

 

If you Enjoyed this – please Like and Share!  Follow me on Facebook at Quirk and Logic and I will try to write a bit more often.

Kim

Uncategorized

Christmas is almost upon us.  My son helpfully pointed out this morning while stumbling, disheveled, from his bedroom this morning, that it is only 5 days away.  Well, that seems very soon.  After all, it was only October about 4 hours ago, and still looks quite a bit like October outside now.

Now, I am not a big fan of the cold (being one of those constantly cold people), but I LOVE snow.  I love it.  Especially at Christmas.  But really anytime between 12/1 and 2/15.  Before OR after that is no Bueno.

I am focusing on Christmas for this post as opposed to other holidays celebrated at this time of year because Christmas is the one that gets the most attention.  After all, ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR – RIGHT??????

Kind of a lot of pressure.  Some people eat it up.  Others do not.

Oh Théoden, you scamp.  You understand.

Don’t get me wrong- I love Elf.  Its one of two movies that MUST be watched at Christmas-time (defined here very strictly as the day after Thanksgiving – last Christmas celebration scheduled).

What’s the other one?

I see all these memes online about wanting to stay home and watch Christmas movies all day, and all I can think is ‘that would take me a morning.’

I used to say that I didn’t want to hear Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving, but the reality is I don’t really want to hear it until Christmas Eve.  Even then, kinda meh about it.  And don’t get me started about songs I can’t stand (Last Christmas, Simply having a Wonderful Christmastime, Feliz Navidad, All I Want for Christmas is You, about 95% of the rest).

I am not terribly emotional or sentimental at Christmas, which has allowed me to view things from a different point of view.

For instance, there do seem to be some people who genuinely LOVE Christmas.  They have tons of Christmas decorations, Christmas traditions, a wide selection of Christmas music and movies, and exude so much Christmas Spirit that I’m pretty sure their farts smell like peppermint.  I love these folks.  I’m not one – nor do I really want to be – but I love their enthusiasm and their embracing of the season.  As long as they respect people not feeling the ‘jolly’ – they should definitely keep doing their thing.

There are also people who don’t want anything to do with the season.  Some of these are scrooges who hate other people being happy.  Again – that’s fine as long as they keep their bah humbugs to themselves instead of trying to bring others down with them.  I think most of the Christmas abstainers (not including those who practice other beliefs) just aren’t feeling it.  They aren’t feeling the movies filled with happy families and songs about how wonderful everything is.  They can’t really relate and maybe resent the constant reminders a little bit.  Maybe they’ve recently lost someone important to them, or maybe they’ve never had that.  And that gets harder when so many people around you expect that EVERYONE is super excited for Christmas.

Of course, there are a ton of points in the middle as well.  For some, Christmas is about showing someone how much you care by picking the perfect gift, just for them.  For some, its about meeting the expectations of others (real or perceived) with extravagant gifts – or even just trying to outdo others (or their past-selves).  For some its about hoping to be remembered.  For some its knowing you won’t.

So, am I just being a party-hating buzz-kill?

No, definitely not.  I WANT people to connect, to enjoy one another, to wear ridiculous sweaters (accidentally or on purpose).  I just hope that, as you celebrate this year, you SEE those around you who aren’t so into it.  You don’t have to ‘fix’ them – but see them, and understand that they have their reasons, and they aren’t wrong.  Perhaps invite them – and be understanding whether they accept or not.

For those of you not so into Christmas – try to be understanding of those delighting in everything around them.  They aren’t wrong either.

So whether you are:

or

Just be kind to each other.  As long as what we focus on that, it can be a wonderful time for all of us.

 

Take Care,

Kim

Life Logic

I’ve been feeling a little sweary lately.  And by lately I mean for the last year and a half.  And by ‘a little’ I mean I have dropped more f-bombs in the past year and a half than in the 36 previous years combined.

To be fair, I am using them as descriptors, never as personal attacks.  I will not name call or personally demean.  But some situations have resulted in the need for – ahem– stronger descriptors.  When the kids aren’t around.

The other day I was listening to music, specifically this song.

I know, right?  Not really my usual style to be perfectly honest.  I wouldn’t really call myself an Eminem fan (although you have to respect that kind of talent).  This song talks to me, and I DO listen to the explicit version.

When the kids aren’t around.

I like this song because its raw and real and taps into the emotions of struggle and drive and failure and determination.  Above all, getting back up and never letting anyone shut down your path towards your goals.

Sometimes I choose this song instead:

What can I say, I’m complicated.

But sometimes I need grit.  I go for the gut punch of emotion.  And sometimes that involves swearing.

I think my journey to reclaim bits of language is not so different from many people.  I was always the peacemaker, the one who would concede to make things ok.  I always had a feeling that deep down anger wasn’t ok, so I would set it aside (as best I could).  Over the past few years, I have reclaimed many things, but one of the most important was my anger.

Here’s the amazing thing – I haven’t lost my positivity.  I haven’t lost my ability to try to see a situation from the lens of compassion, or to try to encourage those around me.  In fact, I think those attributes have all gotten stronger with my anger in tact.

Anger tells us something isn’t right in our world.  There are lots of kinds of anger (many quite destructive).  The one I am really referring to here is ‘righteous anger.’  That is, anger with a justifiable cause that most reasonable people would agree is unfair or wrong.  While both justified and righteous, it can also become destructive if not managed.  After all, how much easier to hold on to anger that is reasonable?  Too much.  The much (much) harder work is to see things for what they are, recognize there are not what they should be, experience the anger, and choose to either use it or let it go.

Sometimes anger can fuel us into action.  It still can’t just stay anger.  It really does need to change into fuel to move forward in the work you are doing to bring about change.

Sometimes we have to let our anger go.  Not to say the situation is ok, but to say we won’t allow it to make us toxic.

So, sometimes swearing helps.  Sometimes it allows us to name the situation the way it feels.

I don’t really swear when I write.  I’ve always considered relying too much on swearing to be lazy vocabulary.  When writing, I prefer to find ways to express feelings with other words.  My thoughts, on the other hand, are an eerily accurate reflection of my mood.  In fact, hearing my inner thoughts get all sweary was one of the things that allowed me to get back in touch with my anger.  I could look at it with interest, ‘Well, will you look at that!  It appears I am angry about this.  Why?  What do I think/believe?’  Suddenly all these thoughts and feelings would fit themselves together as if just waiting for the invitation.  My husband is very familiar with this as it usually immediately precedes me ranting for a while.  He doesn’t mind because I still have a tendency towards well-reasoned ranting, not just crazy shouting.  I prefer to use well-placed profanity to raising my voice.

You know what, its ok.  Its expression.  Its finding the write words to translate our immensely complex feelings into something we can share with others.  Sometimes the only words that fit are a bit, um, salty.

You know who else advocated for swearing?

Mark Twain, that’s who.

And he’s right.

So I encourage you to embrace all your feelings.  Some comfort you, some fuel you, some you eventually have to let go.  In my experience, it helps to embrace your whole vocabulary as well (don’t let it make you lazy – swear words lose their power when used too freely).

So, swear if you need to, Mark Twain says its ok.  So do I.

 

Take care friends,

Kim

 

If you $%&#@ enjoyed this post, why don’t you %$##*%& LIKE and SHARE.

Life Logic

I have been collecting quotes and sayings for years.  I have boards filled with clippings.  I share them on Facebook, I send them to friends.  Little bits of inspiration, humor, or encouragement.  Often, its one of those little nuggets, or a line from a song that inspires me to come to my computer to write.

I have several people I regularly troll for quotes.  Glennon Doyle is a particular favorite.  Maya Angelou another.  Corrie ten Boom, the Dalai Lama, Mother Teresa, StoryPeople, Thug Unicorn (Tanya Merkel), and, of course Brene Brown.

The other day I was working on populating (yet) another board – one for above my desk.  I had some favorites I knew I wanted to include, but I am also always looking for new inspiration.  And then, this.

I remember the first time I saw it.  My mind zeroed in and then expanded.  A single, laser focused point of consciousness whirling out to ensnare memories, thoughts, beliefs, and dreams, and then to twist them together back down to that single point.

Still, as I write this, and think about that moment, I pause and just breathe.

For, you see, I have taken a leap of faith.  It can really only be called that.  Parts of that leap started two and a half years ago.  But the real thing, the real LEAP was almost exactly one year ago.  Nearly to the day.  I found out later that I should really refer to that as ‘Leap #1.’  I’m pretty sure I’m on Leap #3 at this point, but its all part of the same journey.

Once, in Mexico on my honeymoon, I jumped off a cliff.  I am terrified of heights, but I did it.  I think it was around 30 feet.  That was 12 years ago, and I still remember the leap.  And I remember the moment before the leap.  I remember standing atop the cliff with other cheerful vacationers and a nice young man who wanted to take my picture so he could sell it to me for exhorbitant sums of money later on.  I remember my thoughts.  ‘Oh, no. No, no, no. Nope.’  Then, ‘just jump, don’t think.’  And I jumped.  I took the leap.  I did not listen to the voices of fear but stepped out and believed everything would be ok.  And it was.

I’ve stood on a lot of ‘cliffs’ between then and now, and usually did not take the leap.  I’m to careful, to unsure, and too scared to trust that things will come out all right.  I’ve struggled to reconcile that with my faith.  Aren’t we supposed to lay everything on God and assume that whatever happens is his will?  I guess I don’t really believe that.  Why would God have built us with courage, intelligence, creativity, tenacity, humor, and grit if He didn’t want us to use them.  What I do believe is that we need to get quiet and listen to that ‘still small voice.’  Our inner selves.  Our core.  Possibly even our link to the divine.  That is the path we walk in faith.

This quote was shared by Glennon Doyle in her book ‘Love Warrior.’  Its one of those pieces that whirled out and then back together.  Faith isn’t a safety net that catches us gently and ensures no harm comes.  Sometimes faith is the opportunity to become strong enough to face what is coming.  Its getting knocked down, bruised, and beaten, and getting back up.  Its knowing you got back up.

For some reason, all of this made me think of when my first child was a newborn – 10 years ago.  I remember a few weeks of getting up every couple hours, and then gradually, getting up twice a night, then once.  By the time he was three months old (mid December), he was basically sleeping through the night (although he did wake up at 5:30, which was still a little ridiculous).  Then Christmas, and traveling to visit family.  Then back to once a night.  Then back to two.  At the time, I felt like this would never end.  In that painful, isolating (sleep-deprived) moment I would never again get a real night’s sleep.  Of course, that didn’t last, and within a few weeks he was sleeping through the night again.

Fast-forward three years and my daughter came.  Essentially the same story.  But different in that I knew it wouldn’t last this time.  I knew it FELT like it would last forever, but I also knew it wouldn’t.  I worried less, and snuggled in for the ride.

This feels like that.  This leap of faith that I call my new business.  My calling.  My path.  Its starting out slow, as it must.  And part of me feels it will always be this way, and that part is painful and isolating (and yes, sleep-deprived).  But there is that other part.  That other part that remembers that sometimes you just sit down with your discomfort and snuggle in.  Keep working, keep moving, and have a little faith that this is the part thats supposed to hurt, but it will be worth it.

 

Thanks friend.

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Life Logic

I have written before about my feelings on faith.  I am passionate about the need for faith to SHOW itself in life.  Beliefs don’t cut it for me.  We have the responsibility to put our boots on and walk the walk.

Lately, I’ve been struggling.  Would I call it a crisis of faith?  No, not really.  I was wrestling with thoughts and ideas and feelings, and trying to make sense of things in my own life.

I was listening to Casting Crowns’ new song, ‘Oh My Soul.’  I recommend it.  Casting Crowns is the soundtrack of my faith journey.

Here it is if you are interested.

I was struck by the line ‘ . . . and my shipwrecked faith will never get me to shore.  Can He find me here, Can He keep me from going under?’

That’s it.  My faith wasn’t in crisis.  My faith was shipwrecked.  Not only was I wondering if God could find me where I was, I was wondering if He would.

Shipwrecked faith.  The faith is still there.  I am standing alone amidst the wreckage, and look out onto the horizon – knowing the rest of the world is out there but helpless to close the gap.

Standing on the shore aware of the juxtaposition of desolation and beauty, of solitude and isolation.  Amidst the wreckage are a thousand guidebooks of how to ‘fix things.’  But just as seeing a map of trade winds does not teach you to navigate, a ‘how-to’ cannot build a relationship.

I still believe.  When the pain and isolation wash over me and my heart breaks as I bleed out onto the page I write.  I still believe.

But I am tired, and alone in the beautiful desolation.  I still believe yet I struggle to trust that the great God of my faith sees me, too.  Understanding that my doubts are not signs of His failing, but my own.  Failing to trust and to believe that if I fall I will be caught.

So here I stand on my shore, in my solitude.  In my isolation.  Knowing God is real and that to have the kind of relationship I know to be possible, I must surrender.  To sever the safety lines and fall.

Am I more afraid of knowing that relationship is out there and never finding it?  Or of surrendering?

I am a person who is in control.  Self-control, not control of others.  Organization and order are my superpowers.  This has been met with both admiration and contempt, but certainly more of the latter.

Am I really just afraid of letting go?

Corrie ten Boom said, ‘There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.’

So is it dark here in the pit?  Or are my eyes just closed?

Am I more afraid of staying invisible, or of being seen?

So here in the pit I wrestle, knowing I am not alone, but yet uncertain about what that means for me.  In the stillness, I wait to hear the voice of God, as I am learning to hear and heed that ‘still small voice’ inside that is my own intuition.

I wonder if they are the same voice.

So amid my shipwreck, I will have faith.

 

Guerilla Christianity Life Logic

Recently, I had a text conversation with a friend.  I had sent this great piece from a write I like, Tanya Markul (who goes by the oh-so-awesome moniker Thug Unicorn).

This friend commented that they were sometimes empathetic when they should be cord cutting.  I could almost hear their sigh when they typed, ‘I’m a work in progress.’

That really struck me.  Aren’t we all?  Who do you honestly know who is ‘complete.’  No room for improvement.  No goal to push towards.

How many movies or TV shows have you watched, or (if you’re like me) how many books have you read where the main character just trots through the whole story knowing everything they need to know, making no mistakes, not growing or needing to grow.

That’s one boring story, and off the top of my head I can’t actually think of one.  They might be out there, but let’s face it – no one can relate to that person.  We relate to the struggle.  To the striving.  It is a holy journey.  A quest.  Its Frodo volunteering to take the ring.  Its Harry Potter and the horcruxes.  Its Moana leaving the reef.  Its the Rebels facing off against the Empire.  Those are the parts of the journey we see, and we see the end.  Those are not the ends to their journey.  They move forward.  They know more, they have learned from successes and heartbreak.  They continue on their path, though we might not read or watch those stories.

We are the same.  We might look at a time in our life as an episode or a chapter.  That story had a beginning, a middle, and an end.  But there were things that happened before, and things that happened after.  A work in progress.

A couple of days ago (and a couple of days after this conversation with my friend), I happened to be listening to the radio.  I wasn’t paying a lot of attention, but the radio person said something to the effect of, ‘. . . . trying to do everything and beating themselves up because its not perfect.  Don’t beat yourself up because things aren’t perfect.  Because you are a work in progress.’

You see why I started paying attention?  I had been thinking about that holy journey.  The glorious chaos of being ‘in progress.’

Here’s what struck me.  Essentially, it sounds as if the radio person is suggesting that the reason things aren’t perfect is because you are a work in progress.  Therefore, perfection is the destination.

I disagree.  Ok, in reality I snorted steam out my nose and turned off the radio.  NO!  Perfection is NOT the destination.

Imperfection IS.  Its not a temporary feature of a life.  It IS life.  LIFE IS IMPERFECT.  To me, the ‘work in progress’ is not a journey toward perfection, but a journey to happiness within imperfection.  Its ups and downs.  Easy and hard.  Glorious and heartbreaking.  Sometimes all at once.

THAT made me think of two quotes from two good friends of mine (we’ve never met, but I am just sure we would be good friends if we ever did.)

 

Just because you’re a work in progress, doesn’t mean you aren’t gloriously, imperfectly, wonderfully worthy.

 

Take care my friends,

Kim

 

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Life Logic