To be fair, I don’t really feel like writing my autobiography.  It would be pretty awesome, but I would probably get distracted by how much awesomer it could have been, and then would get off track.

Instead, I decided to write the Table of Contents for my autobiography.


Chapter 1: Fat Babies are the Cutest – right?

Chapter 2: Potting Soil Does NOT Taste Like Crushed Oreos.

Chapter 3: The Unfortunate Combination of Clumsiness and Cacti.

Chapter 4: Fun Fact – Hot Dogs Make Me Projectile Vomit

Chapter 5: So Does Broccoli.

Chapter 6: Santa’s Handwriting Looks Awfully Familiar.

Chapter 7: Which Contains the Embarrassing Incident of Incontinence.

Chapter 8: I am the Butt of Many Jokes.

Chapter 9: Middle School and High School: a Haiku

Chapter 10: Sorry That Sounded Awkward.  I am Awkward.

Chapter 11: What Happens at Boy Scout Camp Stays At Boy Scout Camp.

Chapter 12: I Realize I Have No Idea About Fashion.

Chapter 13: I Watch a Lot of ‘What Not To Wear’ Because I am a Problem-Solver.

Chapter 14: [Chapter Missing]

Chapter 15: I Win My Future Husband’s Heart by Telling Him About the Time Harrison Ford Had Diarrhea.

Chapter 16: Building Tiny People!

Chapter 17: Can This Wait Until I am Done Pooping?

Chapter 18: I Convince My Children That The Reason Chapter 14 is Missing is Because I Was a Frog For a While.

Chapter 19: Why is Everything I Own Covered in Hair?

Chapter 20: In Which I Buy a Purse and Solve My Existential Crisis.

Chapter 21: PLOT TWIST!

Chapter 22: I Go Insane and Make SO MANY CHICKEN NUGGETS.

Chapter 23: Licensed Medical Professional (Insert Maniacal Laugh).

Chapter 24: Kim 2.o


If you Enjoyed this – please Like and Share!  Follow me on Facebook at Quirk and Logic and I will try to write a bit more often.


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